During the 2013 Synergy Summit, groups from more than 22 missional networks and partnerships around the world gathered together to discuss the best practices of partnership facilitation.
One of the most stimulating sessions for participants was about Trust BREAKERS vs. Trust BUILDERS.
Here below I have compiled all of the entries from the groups. First, I list the Prioritized Trust BREAKERS (the items shared with the larger group), then the remaining Trust BREAKERS listed by groups.
Next, I list the Prioritized Trust BUILDERS, followed by the remaining Trust BUILDERS listed by groups. The numbers within parentheses indicate the number of times a group listed a very similar concept. If non-identical yet similar terms were given, all terms are listed.
Trust BREAKERS
A. Prioritized Trust BREAKERS listed by groups
1. (6) Using Hidden/Private Agenda; “brand” before “bride”; Pushing personal agenda to the detriment of the network; Hidden agenda; self-promotion; Alternative motives
2. (5) Power struggles; money issues; lack of transparency; issues around ownership; Power “hungry”
3. (3) Unclear Communication; Unrealistic and varying expectations; Lack of clarity on roles and expectations
4. (3) Broken promises; Betrayal of confidences
5. (2) Promise but don’t perform – can you do it; will you do it; Failed promises
6. (2) Not telling the truth, lying; excuses
7. Using funding to control a network or partnership agenda
8. Over-promising and under-delivering
9. Not being a learner; assuming too much
10. Financial practices; cultural expectations; integrity
11. Communication issues; terminology; vocabulary; language misunderstanding
12. Poor relationships
13. Story abuse; disrespect of sensitivities
14. Cultural differences
B. Other Trust BREAKERS
1. (9) Selfishness; exclusivity; Pride/ego; Selfishness; Arrogance and superiority; Pride; Lack of humility; Overestimate team contribution
2. (6) Break confidences; Speaking without thinking; Sharing without discernment; Personal information [not handled well]; information security standards; Gossip; Consistent security breaches
3. (5) Naming and shaming; Not separating issue and person; Personal attacks; Critical spirit
4. (5) Claiming “God’s Will”; Spirit of control; Exclusion from decision-making; Condescension; Control
5. (4) Cross-cultural misunderstanding; Miscommunication in cultures; Cultural differences; Ethnic issues
6. (4) Deception – not transparent; reveal after going 3/4th of the way; No Transparency; Lack of transparencies; Inauthenticity
7. (3) Lack of frequency of communication; Lack of communication; Non-response to communication
8. (3) Money issues – budgets, negotiating, transparencies; Money
9. (3) Busy-ness; Over-commit
10. (3) Leadership style is controlling vs servant; Leadership style; Leadership deficit
11. (3) Expectations of leadership; Unclear expectations; Different expectations
12. (2) Exclusivism; Cliques
13. (2) “On-time” misunderstandings; Speed differential
14. (2) Not listening – forcing your agenda; always “selling”; Pushing orgs
15. (2) Feeling “used” where task is more valued than relationship; Being “used”
16. Not understanding the culture – can’t say ‘no’; using culture as an excuse; judging another’s culture
17. Lack of faithfulness – will you continue to do it even when it is difficult
18. Lack of trust toward you – doubt is projected toward you.
19. Inability – lack of skills to respond to conflict, skepticism, questioning, and confrontation.
20. Not building relationship first
21. Theological differences
22. Bending the rules and giving “exceptions”
23. Turnover of “reps” or leadership
24. Deviations from vision and mission and misunderstanding of vision or mission
25. [Lack of] Clear ‘guidelines’ for disagreement
26. Different levels of spiritual maturity
27. Fear
28. Trying too hard to “fit in”
29. [Lack of] Follow-through
30. Breaking “rules”
31. Not honoring intellectual property and “credit”; Ownership i/o partnership
32. Betrayal
33. Superimposing succession
34. Stereotyping
35. Independence and Isolation inhibits trust
36. Indifference
37. Other loyalties
38. Bad history
39. Mishandling and non-openness regarding money
40. Not a Kingdom player
Trust BUILDERS
A. Prioritized Trust BUILDERS
1. (2) Sharing and giving resources – not “leftovers”; Bringing your best to the group
2. (2) Unwavering commitment to the vision and purpose; Staying focused together on the same vision
3. (2) Caring for people – love, respect, integrity, forgiveness, etc; Building spiritual community
4. (2) Time; Share time and personal
5. (2) Do what you say!; Follow through
6. Humble and intentional listening
7. Building friendships, caring for people, time for spiritual community for forgiveness and understanding
8. Group trust – perceived value and tangible results through clear roles and responsibilities
9. Coming together (time); “communing”
10. Being vulnerable; owning failures and shortcomings
11. Clarity in roles, time and commitment
12. Friendship within the core team, relationships; doing things together, fun
13. Losing to win
14. Respect time
15. Time/Experience/Track record
16. Caring; want the well-being of the other
17. Time and proximity
18. Honor gifts and calling
19. Shared values
B. Other Trust BUILDERS
1. (8) Being Transparent; honesty; what you say is what you do; Sincerity; mean what you say; Being authentic; Honesty and integrity; Follow-through (multiple levels)
2. (6) Allowing failure without shame; Having space to learn from failures; Readiness to admit mistakes; Openness – personal openness; Not hiding weaknesses; Modeling vulnerability (costly!)
3. (6) Track record; Continuity – persistence, time, faithfulness; Being a trustworthy leader; Character and integrity Character of leader; Front of store and back of store are in sync; Endorsement by others
4. (5) Clarity of vision and mission; Clear and common vision and mission; Commonly developed vision; Clear roles; Shared expression of vision
5. (5) Credibility; expertise and track record in what you do; Transparency in communication; Open communications; Communication
6. (5) Prayer; ministry of the Word; Prayer together and for one another; Pray together; Prayers/Spiritual community
7. (4)Caring for people, not just the task, develop friendship and relationship; Care for one another; Build community – not competition; Generosity
8. (4)Intentional listening; ask questions; Listening to others; Listening and hearing; Asking questions to understand; investing relationship and time
9. (4) Grace (both giving and receiving); (Act with) love and forgiveness; Confession and forgiveness; Confession, accountability
10. (3) Keeping personal (unique) identity as well as a partnership identity; Self-awareness; not lying to oneself
11. (3) Celebrating success; Celebrating all victories; Sharing success
12. (3) Contributing long-term time; Time and commitment; Availability (quality)
13. (2) Humility “putting aside titles”; Humility
14. (2)Long time friendships; Sincere love
15. Preferring one another
16. Intentionality in understanding diversity
17. Congenial “optimism”
18. Inclusivity
19. Actually meet needs
20. Committed ownership
21. Dealing with harmful national policy
22. Use of intermediaries
23. Achieving goals
24. Pro-active engagement
25. Cross-cultural learning
26. Go beyond “the task”
27. Entrust with (blank)
28. Ability to say “no”
29. Using their recommendations
30. Time with families
31. Personal financial involvement
32. Encouraging people
33. Delegating
34. Roles for newcomers
35. Inclusiveness
36. Solid reference to Scripture
37. Consistent about mission
38. Flexibility – best idea wins
39. Help people heal
40. Trust transfer
41. Suspension of Judgment
42. Know/Like/Trust/Cooperate
43. Kingdom first
44. Able to find win-win in Kingdom sense
45. Equal yoking
46. Able to protect privacy
47. Pursue shared ownership
48. Acknowledge limitations
49. Hospitality
50. Share important life events
Rev. Dave Hackett is Senior Advisor at visionSynergy where much of his work involves collaborative global mission in the areas of digital and Muslim ministry. Living in Saudi Arabia as a child embedded Dave’s love for the world and the Middle East. He taught at Han Nam University in South Korea as a Presbyterian missionary and studied at Fuller Theological Seminary (MDiv) and Oxford University. Ordained as a Presbyterian minister since 1985, Dave was a mission pastor for eight years before serving as associate and executive director of Presbyterian Frontier Fellowship for 12 years, coordinating unreached people group mission. Dave was on the founding board of visionSynergy in 2003, and joined the staff in 2005.